Darling, Back Yourself. Design Your Life, No Excuses
Photography by Prue Aja
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, isn’t it? We juggle a thousand different roles—career, family, friendships, and everything in between. Somewhere in the chaos, we forget about ourselves. Where do I fit into this equation? The reality is, we often put pressure on ourselves to do it all. We book our calendars full with obligations to others, with things for others, and by others. Meanwhile, the things that make our hearts sing, the things that make us feel truly alive, get pushed to the side.
But what if you designed your life differently? What if, instead of getting swept up in everyone else’s plans, you created a blueprint for your own happiness?
The truth is, most people don’t back themselves—not because they don’t have dreams, but because self-doubt, fear, and imposter syndrome creep in. We second-guess ourselves, worry we’re not good enough, or think we don’t deserve the life we want. Then there’s the fear of what others might think—worrying about judgement, comparison, or disappointing people who expect us to be a certain way.
Sometimes, we might have even designed the life we thought we wanted, only to discover it didn’t turn out to be what we had imagined. That can be just as terrifying—realising that the path we worked so hard to create isn’t making us happy. It takes courage to admit that, and even more to change course.
But here’s the truth: you don’t stumble upon your best life by accident—you create it.
Too many of us are sitting on the sidelines, thinking we need to be more ready, more skilled, or more deserving before we go after what we truly want. We tell ourselves “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I’m not good enough yet.” But tomorrow never comes, and while we’re waiting, life keeps moving forward.
You are the architect of your life. If you want a life that lights you up, you need to build it—step by step, with intention.
It’s time to back yourself. Here are the top ways to start doing just that:
1. You Create Yourself—So Start Now
We’ve all heard the phrase “find yourself,” but life isn’t about finding yourself—it’s about creating yourself. You don’t wake up one day with everything magically in place unless you take intentional action now.
The time to start is today. Too many people wait for the perfect time, waiting for the stars to align. Let me tell you, that’s not how it works. Start messy, start uncertain, but just start. Tomorrow, you’ll wish you had begun today.
2. Mind Your Own Monkey
One of my favourite mantras is this: Mind your own monkey. Stop worrying about other people’s BS and sort out your own life. There’s a lot of noise out there, what others are doing, their opinions, and the pressure to conform. But that’s their monkey, not yours.
Stop giving a damn whether other people support you or not. Most people can barely support themselves, let alone have the capacity to cheer you on. It’s time to stop waiting for external validation and start backing yourself with full confidence. Your dreams don’t need anyone’s approval but your own.
It is also not your monkey to compare yourself to anyone, how well they are doing, where they are on their journey. Mind your own monkey!
3. You Are One Woman, Not Superwoman
You are one woman, not Superwoman. It’s important to remind yourself that you don’t need to do it all. We often try to do all the things – work, relationships, family, without leaving space for ourselves. It’s okay to step back, to say no, and to focus on the things that truly matter to you.
When you acknowledge that you can’t do it all, you free yourself from unrealistic expectations and allow yourself to focus on what brings you joy.
It’s okay to put yourself first and be selfish.
If you don’t, how do you best give to the people you love?
4. Say Yes to What Matters—and No to the Rest
The reason so many of us feel overwhelmed is because we’ve said “yes” to too many things that don’t serve us. But here’s a secret, you don’t need to say yes to everything. When you start designing your life around your true priorities, it becomes easier to draw boundaries. You can say “no” to things that don’t align with your goals and values, and “yes” to the things that do. Or even “no for now” when it’s not the right time.
As Beau Taplin says, “Measure your success only by what truly matters: your happiness and the happiness you bring to others.” When you start filling your days with the things that truly matter, you won’t feel the need to seek validation or approval from others.
