A Safe Haven for Wahine and Tamariki

It is a right for all New Zealanders—especially wahine and their tamariki—to feel safe in their homes. Unfortunately sometimes this isn’t the case. To feel safe and secure is a right that everyone should hold.

According to a report published by The Guardian last year, in New Zealand, police attend a family harm episode every three minutes with thousands of cases going unreported. Māori wahine especially are more likely to be affected by family and sexual violence than any other ethnicity, with nearly 50 percent experiencing partner abuse in their lifetime. These, along with dozens of other staggering statistics, are the reasons why women and their children don’t deserve to be living in abusive situations or households in Aotearoa.

Officially opened this Valentine’s Day, a new Women’s Refuge in Tāmaki Makaurau offers the same comprehensive range of services offered by all refuges around the country—including 24/7 Crisis Line, Community Clients and Whanau Protect. The refuge also offers practical assistance, helping survivors navigate legal processes such as obtaining restraining orders, accessing legal aid, and securing housing.

M2women was given the opportunity to sit down and talk with the Manager of Women’s Refuge Tāmaki Makaurau, Linda Thompson on the new safe-haven for women and children.

Can you tell me a little bit about this new Women’s Refuge in Tāmaki Makaurau?

We’re a new refuge, responding to a real need in the community. We cover the Central Auckland area and we set out to support women and children in any way they need us. I personally wish there was no need for us, with no violence happening in the country. I’d be out of the job, but I’d be happy for that to happen. However with an average of 71 crisis calls a day, it’s not possible to not have refuges. We’re all about spreading awareness and educating Kiwis about domestic violence. We hope we can be a sanctuary for survivors.

What sort of support do you offer there?

We want to be a safe haven for wahine and tamariki to heal, rebuild their lives and regain their strength. These wahine might have been in a relationship at their lowest points and it’s good if they reach out for support, so they can regain their strength and give them time to breathe and just be themselves. Women’s Refuge Tāmaki Makaurau will offer the same comprehensive range of services that are offered by most refuge’s around the country, including 24/7 Crisis Line and Community Clients. We’re doing a community service called Whanau Protect which means if there’s somebody who might want to stay in their own home, we go in and assess windows, doors, access, locks. We give them an alarm that they press if they feel in danger and the police will respond in 15 minutes. Other refuges offer different things, but that’s what we’re going to offer at the moment. This refuge will offer practical assistance with helping survivors navigate legal processes such as obtaining parenting or protection orders, accessing legal aid or securing housing.

The vision is for all women and children to feel safe every day and we know reaching out isn’t easy. Sometimes, the women may not want to leave the relationship, they just want the violence to end. We’ll be here in any way without judgement, free and confidential. We just want them to be safe.

What do the policies look like at the moment in regards to domestic violence and what would you like to see changed?

There are a few things that are on the radar. I think there was an article that came out recently about police doing a refocus on domestic abuse. The article read:
“A ‘refocus’ of police work is the leading ‘key opportunity’ in a briefing to the incoming Police Minister Mark Mitchell, released on Thursday.

The briefing says police have been forced, by the lack of other social services, to step in when it comes to family harm, mental health, and child protection calls.
The proposed change would involve ‘supporting managed withdrawal and advocating for that role to be filled by others’.

‘For example, reducing police’s role in mental health crisis response is a clear opportunity, as is right sizing our response to family harm,’ the document says.”
—RNZ, 1st of February, 2024: ‘Police may step back from responding to family harm, mental health callouts – briefing paper’

That for us is a massive issue, because if police don’t step in, more people are going to get more harmed. It’s a ‘watch this space’ thing. For us, family harm is so life-impacting. If they change that, who’s going to respond that’s got the mana and community to make proper change? It’s a really worrying thing. Because we’ve just had a change of government, everything has been up in the air. Everyone’s been concentrating on the first hundred days, but no one is giving us answers on anything.

I’m in a coalition group where we lobby the government. Pre-election, National said that they’ll definitely bring a stalking law into force, making it a criminal offence. We asked to follow-up on this, but they remain quite tight-lipped.

Stalking is very much an issue we’re worried about because it leads to so many other problems. We want more severe punishment for strangulation and things like that, because they’re a pre-indicator of further harm. Also looking at parenting orders, in the context of domestic violence, the family courts don’t necessarily support victims. Sometimes it’s retraumatising them. I’m not criticising the family court, I’m just asking: could we do better?

I don’t want to go out there in some big political statement, but it’s definitely on our radar. The last thing we want to do is re-victimized people and not support them.
You remember the construction site shooting last year in Auckland? The shooter had kicked and strangled a woman and left her with a broken neck. Yet there doesn’t seem to be the same consequences for intimate-partner strangulation. For example, if you were to strangle me, you would go to jail, whereas if we were in a relationship it doesn’t have the same rules.
We look for things that are indicators. Like, if someone says to me that they’ve been strangled that’s a real warning sign to me that something worse could happen.

People are also worried about the parental alienation aspect of it and that’s why parenting orders don’t necessarily help the victims because the partner has equal rights to the children. I think, when it’s in the context of domestic violence, it’s not a fair presumption to assume that they should have equal rights.

What is your own background and how did this opportunity come about for you?

My background is in nursing, so I guess that’s where my nurturing aspect comes from. I did grow up and experience domestic violence, so I know what it’s like to be the child in the middle. I feel like I’m a survivor, not a victim. When I saw the role come up, I thought: yeah, I can do this. I also really want to make a difference and do a great job in the community. We make a real difference in women’s lives. And we need to keep the tamariki safe as well!

I think it’s important too to not just talk the talk—I actually know what it was like.

Even though I’m not necessarily seeing the clients face to face, I think being able to offer valuable advice to the team going forward. It’s all about who supports us along the way, no matter what ‘domestic violence’ looks like to the victim.

What are you most proud of for being involved in the refuge?

Right now, my team. They’re doing an awesome job. I like to manage in a style where we all have each other’s back and I’m so proud of all the jobs they’ve done. They’re really an outstanding team. We still have a couple of others to add to our team, but I feel like we’re doing baby-steps. They all bring a bit of difference to the role, and they do an awesome job.

What has been the biggest challenge in starting up the refuge?

I think it’s the red tape! It’s a cliche, but we waited six months to get a safe house. I started in May last year. It’s taken so long to get everything ready. I’m glad of the time, but I was chomping at the bit. I wanted to hit the ground running. There’s been good and bad, but it’s probably the waiting. It’s also important to note how many others have gotten behind us. So when I say that we were waiting for things, we do have support. Te Whatu Ora, The Ministry of Social Development, Oranga Tamariki, the police, to name a few. I say ‘red tape’ but I think that also might be my impatience too.

What has given you hope in this project?

I bring it back to my team—how they cope with every situation as soon as they arise. We have conversations and they listen. Seeing a wahine leave our service in a better situation to when they arrived—stronger, clearer, less vulnerable—gives me hope. I know we can’t help everyone, but what I’m really hopeful for too is the support we’re getting in the community too. We can empower people too. Watching them rebuild is great.

The launch day for the Women’s Refuge was Valentines Day. Was that a coincidence, or was that intentional?

It was very intentional! We wanted it to be a day that was thought-provoking. Calling awareness on a day of love and beauty. There is inter-relational violence out there and especially on this day not everything is happy and rosey. Sometimes getting a bashing is the gift someone will receive on Valentine’s Day, which is a hard fact to swallow. In New Zealand, nearly half of all homicides that are reported relate to family violence. Half of them are family harm. Also, as a bigger coincidence (if you’re Catholic) it’s also Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent! It just seems like a perfect date to raise awareness.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve been given?

It’s very simple, I think. For me—way back when I had a teenager—people would say to me: ‘don’t sweat the small stuff!’ Along the same lines it’s following your heart and always be kind. You don’t know what somebody has woken up to. If you always go out to follow your heart and be kind, I think you’ll be the best version of yourself.

What would be the next steps in protecting wahine and tamariki in Aotearoa?

We need to mitigate the violence here. We set out to help people get through physical and mental abuse. Also financial abuse! There’s a lot going on! It’s about education and making people aware of what’s going on there. Women’s Refuge regularly advocates for policy change and the help of the community. We’ve had men being like: ‘well, what about men’s refuge!’ They’re going to have to start their own! It’s all about knowing what’s out there in your community. It’s all about educating everybody and finding resources to help, and having wrap-around support so they can go out and stop the violence.