Ditch the Shame Game: Play by Your Own Rules

Rochelle Moffit, owner of Tickled Pink personal branding agency talks about the importance of living life on your own terms, and how it’s helped her find genuine happiness in business, and everything she does.

After 20 years in business and with two divorces behind me, I’ve learned a few lessons – some harder than others. But perhaps the most valuable one has been the realisation of how important it is to march to the beat of your own drum, rather than anyone else’s. Living a life that’s authentically yours is essential to finding success and happiness in every aspect of your life.

Shedding the weight of others’ expectations is unbelievably liberating. It’s the secret sauce to not just surviving but thriving. When we make that crucial shift from seeking validation to validating ourselves, we unlock a level of confidence and authenticity that is magnetic. It’s not about disregard for others, and their needs, but about striking a harmonious balance between supporting those around us and championing our own needs and aspirations.

Sometimes as women, we spend so much of our lives thinking about what everyone else needs, we lose all sense of what we actually want, what truly makes us happy and what direction we want to take our lives in. Deciding how you want to live, and identifying what’s truly important to you are the first steps towards living in a way that feels authentically yours. But to do this requires a level of honesty with yourself that goes beyond the superficial. There’s a difference between what we think we ‘should’ want, like, believe and aspire to and what really makes our souls sing. The corporate job, great car, big house and fancy clothes might have all the markers of what your peers deem as success, but if moving to the country and growing veggies while you run a baking business is what would make you really happy, you have to work out who you’re living your life for.

It’s the same with relationships. Especially if you’re in one that’s not serving you well. So many people stay in a bad situation to avoid the stigma of divorce, and I get that, as the societal pressure to conform can be paralysing. But what I realised in my own situation was that the real failure was not in the eyes of others; it was in betraying my own truth. I’ve lived through the fear of judgment, especially when facing the prospect of a second “failed” marriage but now it’s pretty scary to think how my life might have played out if I hadn’t left my previous relationships. My journey through mistrust and betrayal, to finding love again has underscored the power of honesty. It’s the cornerstone of living life on your terms and if you let that fear of what people think overpower you, you can end up paying the price.

I also see this in business. Worrying about public perception or fearing failure can immobilise you. But here’s the truth: every venture, every new product, every pivot to your plan is a step closer to discovering your genuine path, whether it’s roaring success or a giant flop. Some of my businesses didn’t take off, while others were amazing and generated great levels of income. The fear of judgment has never stopped me. Why? Because life is not about playing it safe; it’s about playing it your way.

And this concept of being unashamedly you applies to everything, not just the big stuff. It needs to transcend everything you do every day. Saying no to the party you don’t really want to go to, saying yes to the class you’ve always wanted to take or wearing those clothes that are a little different to current fashion. I see this regularly in my own life. For example, I’m a beginner skier, and frankly, I’m not great at it. I am fairly sure I look ridiculous on the slopes, feeling like those memes that juxtapose how you think you look versus reality. But the joy comes from trying, from learning something new, and from giving myself and my kids the chance to experience the thrill of skiing. It’s a testament to doing something for the sheer love of the experience, not for external validation. If you’ve always wanted to learn to salsa dance, or speak Japanese or learn to surf, don’t let shame at what you might look like stop you from doing something that could enhance your life and bring you real true joy.

So, how do you embark on this journey from a shame mindset to being unshakably you if you’ve been living your life for everyone else up to this point? It has to begin with introspection and a bold willingness to question the narratives you’ve been living by. It’s about confronting every facet of your life head-on, without hiding anything under the proverbial rug. It means detaching from the drama that doesn’t belong to you (my mantra for this is “is this my monkey” and “this is not my monkey” – learn quickly to only give time to your monkeys) and focusing intently on your own narrative. Be honest with where you’re at, why this is and where you really want to be.

It’s also about setting boundaries that protect your energy and prioritise your well-being – finding courage in vulnerability, and allowing yourself to step into your truth, even when it means walking alone. And most importantly, it’s about embracing change as the only constant, viewing each setback as a setup for a comeback. It might feel strange, and even selfish, initially but it’s entirely possible to live your life as you want it and still be a great friend, daughter, mother, colleague and partner. It won’t always be easy; the path to living authentically and true to yourself will have plenty of ups and downs, but know that every step is a declaration of your strength and brilliance. Shame is a joy killer. It silences your inner voice, urging you to listen to societal whispers instead of your own desires and dreams. It’s time to stop letting shame dictate your actions and start playing your own game.

So here’s to embracing your unique journey, unburdened by the weight of shame. Start that hobby, make a plan to leave that unfulfilling job, end that toxic relationship, or launch that dream business. Your life’s worth is not measured by your successes or failures, but by the authenticity and joy with which you live it.

I dare you to ditch the shame game and unearth that courage to live unapologetically with the resilience to embrace every part of your journey.
Remember, the only approval you need is your own.