Stop Saying Sorry

The language and words that we use are a big part of our make-up and are hugely important in crafting our world. They create the person that you are and dictate how others perceive you. We all know that if you tell someone enough times that they are useless, they will start to believe it and conversely if we tell them they are amazing they will start to believe that also. I would like you take a moment to think about what you are telling yourself.

I was lucky enough to attend M2woman’s ‘Journey to Excellence’ event recently and one of the wonderful panellists suggested we stop saying ‘sorry’ and ‘just’ – and I completely agree. Let’s explore a few more – and if you find it a struggle to stop saying them completely let’s at least take them from your subconscious to your conscious. Because that’s how we create change.

SORRY

It’s a big one and we all do it. Have a listen to your voicemail – have you said ‘Sorry I can’t come to the phone’? You have nothing to be sorry about, you’re busy. Challenge yourself to only say sorry when you have something to be sorry for. Check yourself in emails (that’s my biggest downfall) and when you are speaking to others. Instead of saying ‘Sorry I’m late’, say ‘Thank you for waiting for me’. You don’t want to undermine yourself by apologising for things that you don’t need to.

JUST

Don’t just anything – just remove it. ‘Just’ shrinks what you have to say and shrinks your power. You are saying something because you believe it to be true, so say it strongly and with conviction. As women we typically want to soften the blow, but we don’t need to. It may feel uncomfortable the first few times but you will get used to it. Just lose it.

SHOULD

Don’t beat yourself up by thinking of all the miserable ‘shoulds’. Remove ‘I should’ and replace it with ‘I am going to’ or ‘It is not a priority right now’. If the priority ranking doesn’t feel good to you then do something about it – keeping in mind you are only human and you only have 24 hours in day.

I THINK/I GUESS

Have confidence in what you are saying and don’t think or guess it (within reason). ‘I guess this is the right plan’ does not give the receiver of the plan confidence in what you are presenting. ‘This is the best plan for the situation we have at hand’ shows you have confidence in your work. ‘I guess I can go to the supermarket’ typically means you don’t want to. So don’t. When you get asked to go be confident in your answer, either ‘Yes I’ll go this time, but you’re on the next run’ or ‘No I’m not going tonight, I’m doing homework with the kids and then bath – your turn’.

I’M FINE

As Mel Robbins calls it ‘the dreaded F word’. If you haven’t seen her Ted Talk ‘Stop screwing yourself over’, I highly recommend it. It will help you to be mindful of how many times you say the words ‘I’m fine’ and have a think about how you’re really feeling. I found this to be a very interesting experiment.

UNBELIEVABLE

You better believe it! It may be phenomenal, spectacular, most excellent or outstanding – but unbelievable? Give others and yourself more credit, it just happened, you just did it. Acknowledge greatness and don’t be naive to evils that occur. You are that wonderful, it was that gross or he was that helpful. Nothing is unbelievable – it is happening right now.

WHAT SHOULD YOU LEARN TO DO? TAKE A COMPLIMENT

I love to give compliments and too many people decline them. You are that wonderful, smart, beautiful and intelligent. I challenge you next time some says, ‘Great job’, ‘Nice haircut’, ‘Awesome idea’, ‘That’s a very kind act’ or ‘Cute earrings’ say thank you and smile. You deserve it.