Why Connection and Disconnection are critical to your success and happiness

It is interesting how two opposites can be so important to your success and happiness!

As empowering and as natural as connection is to master, it can be a problem without the ability to disconnect. Not learning how to let go can result in an early life of pleasure and a later life burdened with unhappiness. Success seems to be underpinned by learning how to connect but at the same time not holding onto any associated destructive consequences. This seems fascinating and appears to be as individually unique as our DNA.

Connection is part of our basic human needs. Whilst not mentioned in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, it is deemed to play a significant part in our wellbeing. Connection is credited by the Canadian Mental Health Association as being able to lower anxiety and depression, help with regulating emotions that lead to higher self-esteem, empathy and actually improve our immune system. In various university studies it is referenced as significantly contributing to a person’s longevity. As such, it is of no surprise that there has been a lot written about the benefit of connection in wellbeing posts and articles over the last 20 years. While these studies refer to connection with other humans. Many people show similar pleasure from the connection they have with an animal. There have also been numerous discussions around the health benefits of eating together, which begs the question, “are we more connected when we feast or share food?” I note that nearly every civilisation has feasting rituals as part of “celebration” with these most certainly creating connection.

So, what is connection?

I see people having a connection with many physical objects such as a car, for example, however such an object seems to be in some part often links to ego. An emotional connection can occur when someone dies with an item they leave behind which becomes a connection to their memory. I often hear an old song playing on the radio that immediately connects me with an earlier period of my life when it was number one or I first heard it.

Connection has so many magical qualities that I am sure if you have only enjoyed the positives of connection, it is hard to imagine there could be anything bad or any reason to imagine why disconnection could also be so important.

Imagine your life is a continuous process of accumulating experiences, thoughts and memories. These are stored as you experience them, so something that was dangerous is stored in your memory as dangerous. These experiences are stored in our memory as triggers that induce fear and emotions that can potentially stop us moving on from that bad experience. During the course of 20, 30 or 40 years, these memories can become more dominant and as such, we can become trapped in our past. This can impact our ability to make positive new connections with fresh perspectives that experience better outcomes. The result of this is that we lose some, if not all, of our potential to grow and develop healthy new connections, trust and the renewal of our self-belief. This inability to disconnect from our memories can be our silent nemesis.

I can’t possibly speak for everyone, but over the years I have tried to learn ways to neutralise sabotaging thoughts and self-talk. I have found the best way to eliminate these triggers is to:
Always look to turn negative experiences into positive learnings, before storing them in your memory. This may take a bit of practice but if you can do it consistently it will prove very helpful.
Spend five minutes every day in silence and gratitude releasing everything that doesn’t serve you. The key is in making this a ritual, completing it every day.

Every effort you take to manage your conscious and subconscious mind, to manage your experiences will pay you a healthy dividend. You may not think you are able to change your reality but, at the very least, these two habits will change how life affects you.